My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
