Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
