Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
