just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
