I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
