Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
