Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
