i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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