yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
