Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
