I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
