she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize