textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
