I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
