your thong is hanging out like whoa
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
don't judge my taste in strippers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
