I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
