You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
