this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
