I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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