cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
