Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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