i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Say something about gay babies.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
