Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
