Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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