is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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