Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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