they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
