Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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