Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
