Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
True college students do jello shots in the library
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