i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
