btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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