I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
