Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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