Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize