An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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