your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
