not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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