I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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