I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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