So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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