1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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