I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
