xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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