smell my finger.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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