Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
