I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
