Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
