Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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