I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
