she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
