Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
