I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
