when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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