well I can't set my house on fire every night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize