I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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