Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
