Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
