um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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