He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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