I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
