So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
