i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize