I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
