I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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