tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
