living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if only i could text you this smell
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
