woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
