Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My vagina just recognized that song.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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