i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
