You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
